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If only I would have listened




CP: Lams



John Laurens stared down blankly at the tombstone of Alexander Hamilton. His brother during the Revolutionary War; his intimate friend through letters, the person whom he adored now lay stone cold, buried deep in the soil of the nation he helped create.

Alexander was always running out of time; he had no time to fully love or understand the world that he did not belong to. He had no time to waste on his emotional feelings, burying them deep inside his heart where no one would be able to excavate them. He was out of time to look back on all he had accomplished and to feel accomplished. If Laurens was given a second chance to meet with Hamilton, he would confess all his love for him and tell him all he had worked for all these years was not forgotten. He would tell him that he finally had a place in this country, not as an outsider, but a true founding father of the United States. If only he would have listened to his own desires for Hamilton instead of waiting there in the shadow, watching him marry someone else who is just like him, probably even better.

Looking upon the name chiseled on the marble tombstone, Laurens regretted making the decision of going to the duel and making Hamilton his second. If he didn't make Hamilton his second during the duel, if Hamilton never saw the duel happen, would he not have died? Would Hammie (Author:I'm addicted to that nameXD)still be here, writing letters to him telling him everything?

"If only I would have listened to my instinct to give him at least a hug, maybe a brotherly hug to show that I supported him before he left. Would he have lived a less tortured life?" 

Laurens fell into his thoughts, contemplating what could have happened and what would have happened that would have kept his Ham from the tragic ending. Yet none of those happened, which resulted in Hamilton's death.

Laurens caressed the tombstone with his hands, slightly stained ink through continuous letter writing and letter reading. He wondered when the stains would be gone; he wondered whether he could ever get over the lovely person who he never got a chance to listen to in the end.